As a child, I can’t say that I was subjected to much in the over-bearing macho department, but I’d seen enough to know what it was. And my mother made certain that when chores were handed out that none were considered gender-specific or exclusive. The one phrase never mentioned in our house was "women’s work"…we (myself, two brothers and a sister) all got different duties on a rotating basis.

I suppose one thing that many gender-challenged (I’m trying to be all-encompassing here, more than P.C.) people have in common is that we tend to be great observers. I always felt as though I were soaking in information on males and their behaviors, clothing, gestures, et al; storing it for the day I would need it for reference. I was already committed to certain tendencies to which I still adhere (and paid for dearly when I was younger), but it never hurts to have too much information. The other thing some of us have in common (which I hate to admit) is some degree of jealousy towards those who are not gender-dysphoric. Maybe I’m alone here, but I’d see guys being rude jerks and wonder why I got stuck with the short straw, since I was basically a nice person? Ah, well…some things just are.

When I transitioned 16-years ago, it was an urgent and disconcerted venture; I’d been fired from one job because they found out what I was, but I had no tolerance for beginning another job as my past self. So, I had a crash-course in becoming. I won’t say "in becoming male" because that’s simply what I’ve always been. And I can’t say that passing was a problem either, since I was "passing" long before I was ready to (and that created it’s own series of problems, believe me).

I remember sitting and thinking: what an opportunity I have! I have all the tools at my command to become the kind of man I would like to be. The one thing that troubled me was that, for all of this "it’s a man’s world", I realized that men had painted themselves into a very narrow pathway of acceptable behavior. Women can show a variable repertoire of emotions and men can emote the gamut from A to B; women can demonstrate physical affection for one another and a man doing the same thing can easily fall victim to a hate crime. That still puzzles me…

The thing to do was to make choices…to decide what I thought were the qualities that constitute a man. Men who are born that way rely on having a penis to affirm what they are (and unfortunately, some seek no further resolution). I could look at my situation as being at a great disadvantage in that respect, but chose to look at my path as being uncluttered.

First off, I decided that a real man would be one that would stick by his friends, no matter who or what they were. I’ve been blessed with some very good friendships in my life, but I’ve also known what it’s like to trust yourself to someone who lacks integrity. Second, I decided that a real man would be one who treats a woman well. Being a romantic at heart, that means flowers, cards and being openly affectionate. I also realized that there were some talents and hobbies that I refused to give up (like artwork, poetry and cooking), so that took care of widening the pathways for this male’s behavior. I simply refuse to hide or be embarrassed about the things that I like to do. Pardon the pun, but in this day and age, that takes balls.

In short, the man who looks back at me in the mirror is flawed, but so are most men; he tries to be kind and strong; to give what can never be replaced…his time.

He’s made his share of mistakes, but lives each day, hopefully, a little better than the one before. He has friends that can count on him, and he tries to be the one wearing the white hat. He’s no Robert Redford, but I’ve kind of gotten used to him.